When it comes to portrayals of sex, often the orgasm is the most celebrated. And who’s to argue? The benefits of an orgasm range from relieving stress and insomnia to allegedly prolonging life spans. Called everything from the “Big O” to the "grand finale," an orgasm is the pièce de résistance and if you’re lucky, it’s achieved often. Orgasms are also mostly associated with penetration. For couples living with erectile dysfunction, orgasms may seem like they’re out of reach. However, an orgasm is possible without an erection and we’ve compiled five techniques couples can incorporate into their sex lives to continue chasing the big finish.
Open Up
Arousal has many effects on the body. One becomes mentally and physically excitable causing the breath and pulse to quicken. Nervousness can cause fumbling or confidence can cause undergarments to fling off without a hitch. However, erectile dysfunction can throw a serious wrench in the sex cog. Men can feel especially anxious about not being able to achieve or maintain a firm erection. Women tiptoe on eggshells to ensure their male partners stay “in the moment” and often end up blaming themselves for their partner’s ED.
All these negative thoughts are enough to extinguish arousal instantly, or can cause significant rifts between partners. The first step in pursuing orgasms should be complete honesty and communication. Even though it can be difficult to talk to your partner about your anxiety, frustrations or embarrassment of having sex without intercourse, it is crucial to maintain emotional intimacy. Without this honesty, reaching physical intimacy will be extremely difficult.
Stay Warm
Once you’ve opened up to your partner emotionally, sex experts believe that the second best way to curb ED anxiety is to relax and stay warm. Orgasms with ED are possible and you can prepare for them by taking a hot shower. The warmer temperatures have a soothing and calming effect on the body and can reduce elevated stress or anxiety levels. To stay toasty after a hot shower, men and women can try wearing socks. A study found that 80% of couples who wore socks to bed reached orgasm versus a smaller number of couples with bare feet.
Massage
Many sexual partners believe that an erection is necessary for an orgasm or ejaculation. However, the act of an orgasm has almost nothing to do with the prostate gland which controls erections. As long as a person has normal skin sensations, he or she is able to achieve an orgasm. Sex experts recommend massages as a great beginner technique to reach orgasms without erections.
Men should use a full-body massage as a personal challenge. Can you make your partner finish solely using your hands? Move slowly while softly rubbing your partner’s body. Switch up that slower touch to a firmer pressure (with consent). Travel from the ears to the toes, ensuring not to neglect a body part in between. Women can try adding a scrotum massage when it’s their turn to reciprocate and if all parties are comfortable doing so. While the testicles can be quite sensitive, many men find it enjoyable to have them squeezed or cupped. Be open with each other about what feels good to enhance your chances at reaching climax with erectile dysfunction.
Using your hands isn’t the only way to give a massage and oral sex is a great technique to reach orgasm. Only about 25% of women are able to reach orgasm through intercourse alone. This means that the majority of women, a whopping 75%, need clitoral stimulation to reach that sought-after finish. Couples can express their affection through sensuous touch, oral sex, kissing and cuddling.
Experiment
Everyone is different. Every person has their own kinks, turn-ons, curiosities and limits. Don’t be afraid to experiment. For instance, sometimes a lack of energy comes between you and a healthy sex life. If this is the case, take note of when you’re most energetic (early mornings, mid-afternoons) and try sparking up the flames then. Sex doesn’t always have to be at night with the lights turned off. Take advantage of when you feel most energetic and use that energy to focus on pleasuring your beloved.
Keep Going At It
When a man experiences erectile dysfunction symptoms, it can be difficult to come to terms with. However, it’s vital not to tie notions of self-worth with erections because it can lead to serious repercussions in a man’s relationship with himself and his partner. Often men with ED can become withdrawn and even refuse sex. Many men essentially give up on orgasms altogether, but wives, girlfriends and partners deserve to have a say in their own sex lives too. Don’t give up on orgasms, because they don’t give up on you. Couples dealing with ED can still enjoy a passionate, orgasm-filled sex life with effective alternatives.
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